Claims They Could Cause Downfall of the Empire
In her recent visit to New York City, Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, addressed throngs of her most disobedient subjects, in the vast hall of the United Nations General Assembly. And while the wildly cheering masses had little idea what to expect from the first monarchical visit to the Big Apple in over three decades, few could have predicted the Queen would address a topic so directly related to the lives of the teeming masses across the world who live within her dominions.
- Do you count yourself amongst the lucky three billion?
The subject of her Highness’ tirade? Flip flops. Otherwise known as thongs, these backless sandals seem innocuous enough to some, but for the ruler of the British Empire, whose prescience is part
of her divine right, the future looks glum for a world power that continues to permit such perversity. Indeed, the Queen predicted that flip flops, and the decline in British values that they represent, could even bring to its knees the mighty Empire itself, and cast into darkness all its considerable territories, and the citizens who live within those dominions.
- Three members of the nikbv staff were executed for running this picture
Americans, naturally, have significant interest in this warning, having held their title as Errant Ingrate Colony of the Empire for several centuries now. Nevertheless, many in the crowd seemed unaware of the danger ahead of them, and audible gasps of shock were one of the most prominent forms of reaction from the crowd, second only to screams of undulating adoration.
Her Majesty’s three-part plan for the future of footwear in the Empire included mandatory executions of all flip-flop wearers, and a general ban on the production and ownership of backless footwear across all the royal dominions.
This is not the first time the Royal Family has taken a strong stance against an article of clothing, and is reminiscent of Prince Charles’ campaign against Bermuda shorts in the late 1980s, which led to mass riots and the deaths of 134 unfortunately clad vacationing tourists.
